My birth plan

As our induction date gets closer, I've become a little more anxious about labor and delivery. I've had a birth plan in mind since before I even got pregnant, and even though part of that plan includes being flexible to change, I never really considered that I may have to be induced. And depending how things go, that could lead to the exact opposite experience I'm hoping for. In my ideal world, I would go into labor on my own. I'd labor at home for awhile, then head to the hospital when things were progressing. I'd utilize all sorts of pain management techniques that John and I have learned (breathing, massage, etc.), walk around L&D a ton to help the progression, hop in the jacuzzi tub, and do everything I could to avoid pain medication. When I've told people my plan, some think I'm nuts. They want to know why on earth would I pass up an epidural? Do I have any idea how painful childbirth is? Am I crazy? The thing is, I think modern medicine is amazing and I have nothing against it. I'm also very much aware that my plan could go to shit the second I go into labor and I'll be begging every person that walks by to please hook me up with some drugs. But I've just wanted the chance to TRY to labor on my own, without pitocin pumping through my body making me contract, or an epi or narcotics making the pain disappear. In one of the books I read, someone compared childbirth to a root canal. Would you ever walk into a dentist office and turn down the anesthesia and pain medication for that type of procedure? No way! So why is childbirth different? Epidurals were invented for a reason– to put women out of their misery during a very long and painful experience. However, each woman responds to labor (and pain in general) differently, and there's just no telling how I'll handle it. I owe it to myself and our baby to give it a try the natural way.

Now that I am 8 days overdue and have tried several natural inducers that are not working, I don't really know what to feel. My body isn't responding to these things because it's not ready. I've obviously progressed a little over the past few weeks, so it's getting there. But I'm not even having contractions (at least that I can feel), so who knows when/if labor would start on its own. I could ask my doctor to wait until 42 weeks to induce me, assuming my fluid levels were ok to go that long. I'd have a better chance of going into labor on my own and having the natural childbirth experience I've dreamed of. But at this point, I am so drained and just want my baby here. My belly is tight and itchy from the skin stretching out more than it should. It hurts to lay down, it hurts to walk, and it REALLY hurts to stand or sit up. I am exhausted throughout the day but can't stay asleep at night, I have acid reflux after every meal, and I'm peeing every 20 minutes. My body is not my own, and I want it back. NOW. But more than this, I just want my baby in my arms. I want to bring him home, to watch John cuddle him, to see our friends and family love him. To go on walks, to mommy & me groups, tummy time on the living room floor, to nurse him in our amazingly comfortable glider, and change his little diapers. We are days away from beginning these experiences, and it just feels like torture having to wait this long. So as much as I've wanted to go the natural route, I have to trust my doctor that an induction will be necessary if he doesn't show up on his own before Tuesday. Once they start the pitocin Tuesday morning, I'm going to see how my body reacts and if I can handle it without any drugs. "The Pit" as it's called makes contractions longer and stronger, so I can't imagine it being any fun. Also I'd have to have it hooked up to me at all times, which means I wouldn't be as free to walk around, and I'm pretty sure they won't allow me to go in the jacuzzi tub to help deal with the pain. How successful would I be at natural childbirth if I'm confined to a bed? Probably not at all. Anyway, these are all just thoughts I have running through my head as I prepare for the most intense and amazing experience in my life. There is no telling what our labor and delivery will be like, so even though I have ideas in my head, I have to go in with an open mind. All I want is a healthy baby and a healthy mama, so however that is accomplished will be just fine!